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Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in ExposureTherapy's LiveJournal:

Monday, August 20th, 2007
10:06 pm
Friggin SA.  Does anyone else really really struggle with this??  Who am I asking, of course we do.  I have recently found a couple sites of people that have recovered from social anxiety.  I find this interesting.

First I found this general story of success:

Then I found this:

I found another one, but can't find the link anymore.  It's some Chinese therapy thing and the guys says he suffered for 8 years and then it took 3 years to recover but that it is essentially over.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  I added the guy to my msn and he's all eagar to help so he's going to translate while I have a online conversation with the therapist.  Hey, I have nothing to lose.

Ok, I went out on Friday with work people and actually had a really good time.  Very enjoyable.

On Sat, went to a movie with upstairs roommates and it was tolerable but I was anxious.  Came back and drank some wine.  Got frisky/drunk and told this guy that I have chatted with online to come on over.  Had a glass of wine on my deck.  Finally invited him in but told him no making out.  He left after not too long. But now he's called me today and anxiety kicking back up..   Feeling generally crappy tonight.

Went over to folk's house. Ate dinner.  Came back and anxious as neighbours had their door open (so they can see me come in) and I say a quick hi.  They ask if I'm coming in and I make some lame excuse about having to make a phone call....  Uggg.  I feel depressed.

The Chinese dude says changing your thoughts is not the way.  ha. Everyone has their own idea about SA and it's confusing to muddle my way through it when I"m struggling so much.  

Anyway, that's my update.
Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
12:09 am
I went to see a band tonight with a former co-worker, her bf, and her some of friends. Of them I had only talked to her bf before. I wanted to try to stay there long enough to actually get more comfortable in the situation, and also to talk to two new people.
Overall it went pretty well, although I can see things I can do better.
Monday, August 13th, 2007
6:17 pm
Today I had my therapy, and we did our first exposure. Basicly we were supposed to be co-workers, which was hard for her, because she has no idea what it is we do. I was really nervous to start with, but it got better as we went through it. So that was good.
Saturday, August 11th, 2007
8:23 pm
going to casino
Ok, last night was definately successfull.  I went to the casino with my upstairs neighbours.  They picked up 2 people and so all 5 of us went and stayed till after midnight.  I didn't totally freak out, so that's good.  I enjoyed myself more at the beginning but that's success too.  I think I am learning to actually take credit for good overall exposures even when I do feel some anxiety.  It's ok because it's progress.  :-) 
Thursday, August 9th, 2007
11:57 pm
Ok, tonight I hung out with my upstairs roommates and had almost no anxiety.  I give myself an A+ for that one.  Maybe it has something to do with upping my meds, but I'm still going to take credit for my progess (that's what the SA therapist always said to me).

Woohoo.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  If I can have this success, really I just wanted a glimpse, 30 minutes, whatever, to show me that I can do it.  I am really trying to put myself in good head space and not worry about the future or whatever.
Saturday, August 4th, 2007
1:37 pm
Today's to do list.
Exposures done today:

1- Call landlord and talked about tile on the roof, and also was assertive (!) and asked about replacing my carpet.  
Went pretty good.  Successful.

2- On my walk, walked past a bunch of resting construction men working on a house.  Don't know why but I feel like I'm being objectified.  On the way back I walked past two construction groups/houses intentionally.  
Was ok.  On way back realized they weren't even speaking English.  Don't know why, but this makes me more comfortable because I can imagine a culture that's not so... I don't know, objectifying with women.

3-R called (a guy friend).  Chatted with him outside (worse) and then inside my house (more comfortable).  
Was ok.  Tried to make plans for badminton sometime.

Also, I think my going camping for a night is a bit of a waaay too high expsoure.

Today I plan on doing some more.  I should probably do a couple thought records one some of the above.  


Oh, one more thing.  I lowered my Prozac from 1.6mL (liqud form) to 1.4mL.  It's been about 3 weeks now and after adjusting to the withdrawal aspect, I don't know... Everythng is a lot harder, it seems.  It's the slightest difference.  It equates to 6.4mg down to 5.6mg.  Just under one miligram!  Come on now!  But it does seem like things are harder.  Fresher, but harder.  Ugg again.  Maybe I should put it back up till I'm more ready.   I would also die for some beta blockers.  For those difficult moments.  
Friday, August 3rd, 2007
12:25 am
My exposure tonight:
Met up with bf and friend and her sister.  Hung out at her house for a couple hours and chatted.  

How did it go:
Umm, it was ok.  Good to force myself to get out.  Not feeling particularly great today, kinda blah, but a decent low-level exposure. 
Wednesday, July 25th, 2007
11:57 pm

Help.  Uggg. 

I didn't do any exposures today.  No wait, I went to Spa Lady for yoga and I said hi and bye.  That counts.  Afterwards, however, in the evening, I felt like craaaaap.  Strugglin'. 

12:46 am
Is this thing working yet?
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